Category Archives: Humor

The Most Interesting README File Ever?

Another linux zealot at my old job gave me the heads up on this, it’s directly from gnome-cups-manager, and I thought you would all enjoy it. If you’re not aware, the readme file is for a Gnome graphical front-end for a tool used to manage print queues and adding printers/etc.

The only question is what illicit substances were not consumed during the writing of this file.

gnome-cups-manager
——————

Once upon a time there was a printer who lived in the woods. He was a lonely printer, because nobody knew how to configure him. He hoped and hoped for someone to play with.

One day, the wind passed by the printer’s cottage. “Whoosh,” said the wind. The printer became excited. Maybe the wind would be his friend!

“Will you be my friend?” the printer asked.
Continue reading

What happens when you ask a software pirate for Ubuntu?

We’ve all seen the email scams, where software pirates offer amazing deals on software through email. In fact I got one such message today:

From: [email protected]
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 6:22 PM
Subject: Software

Software up to 75% off retail.

Most of the major programs are to expensive for most of us to justify buying. Now you can. Your opportunity is here.

Operating Systems, Business Software, Internet Security Suites. If I don’t have it, I’ll get it. Tell me what program you need.

Here are some examples:

Vista Ultimate w/SP1
QuickBooks Pro 2008
Microsoft Office Professional
Adobe Acrobat 8 Standard
Rosetta Stone Spanish Level 1-2-3 for Mac/PC
Chief Architect Better Homes & Gardens
Macromedia Flash Pro v8.0 PC/Mac

These are just a few. Let me know the program you want.

Shipping is free.
Michael

Those are some fantastic deals! His claims of up to 75 percent off retail is amazingly quite accurate. If I were to buy a copy of each piece of software he is offering for a mere $655, I would have spent right about $2800. By shopping with Michael, I would have saved 76.6%.

The problem is, I didn’t want any of the software he was offering. He says in his email that if he doesn’t have it, he’ll get it. I’ve been needing to get a copy of Ubuntu 8.04 64-bit Server Edition, but haven’t quite got around to it yet, so I sent our new buddy Michael an email asking if he could provide a legal copy for me.

Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 6:40 PM
Subject: Re: Software

Michael,

I’m not very technical so please bear with me. My technical support said I need several legal copies (very important they are legal because this is for my business) of Ubuntu 8.04 64-bit Server Edition.

Can you supply that? You have very good prices, so hopefully you can get me a good deal.

-Wayne

Strangely enough, I got a reply just a short while later!

I don’t have that in house so will have to go shopping. Get back to you soon.

In a short 15 minutes he found what I needed and helpfully provided a download location for me.

Yes, I can supply it and you are going to like the price. It is 100% legal.

http://releases.ubuntu.com/8.04/

It’s all yours.
Michael

Haha! I absolutely love playing the village idiot screwing around with folks… in other news, I’ve been extremely busy for the last few weeks. I’m moving 1500 miles to Texas for a new job. I’ll be the IT ninja for an amazingly kickass game developer in Austin.

The last bit of news I have is that fsckin w/ linux is going to see its 1 millionth unique visitor today! As of this moment we’re right about 3,000 away, which is not much at all, should happen by about lunchtime. I was planning to throw a party in celebration, but unfortunately I’ll be finishing up packing instead of having a few beers with friends and family.

Ahh well. I’d rather have a new job than a silly party.

Thanks to everyone who has ever promoted my site in any way, whether it be a digg here, a comment there, or a link with a quick blurb — without you I’d never see a million visitors in a paltry 9 months. I’m absolutely astounded by how many opportunities fsckin w/ linux has given me on a professional and personal level. Thank you again, and have a few beers for me, alright?

-Wayne

I Was Rickrolled by a TTY Relay Operator

There is a first time for everything. Like calling Microsoft on April Fools’ Day to help uninstall Linux.

I’d like to share what happened earlier today: I received a TTY Relay call. Relay calls happen all the time, but this one is special… I was RickRolled by someone who is deaf or mute. Perhaps they just called via relay as a joke. Anyway, it was seriously the highlight of my week, and I think it’s the first time someone has been RickRolled by TTY relay.

Here’s a rough transcript of how it happened, enjoy:

Cellphone rings… [weird 5-digit number calling]…I answer.

Me: Hello, this is Wayne.

Operator: This is relay operator 7852, I have a relay call for you. Have you ever received a relay call before?

Me: Yes I have, hello, go ahead.

Operator: Hello… I just watched your video about the Linux and the Rickroll, don’t ever make a stupid video like that again, I just wasted 10 minutes.  Go ahead.

Me: [Sigh] [Laughing really hard] ah ga oh man, you’ve made my day (happy tone) Go ahead.

Operator: Seriously, what a loser! Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ohhhh man, you’ve made my day! Go ahead.

Operator: Ok but I just wanna tell you one more thing that I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Go ahead.

Me: [Laughing] Ah that was really good, thank you.  Have a good day.  Go ahead. *hangs up*

Go ahead indeed! Well played, sir!  Edit:  The guy who did it was kind enough to contact me, and “SirGeek” sent along an email with the transcript as proof:

Hi. That were me. I attached an image for proof. Note that I really did love the video, I just wanted to see how far the operator would read off some insults before I got my ‘roll on :P So no harm intended.

I would have used my cellphone, but I couldn’t find the damn thing.

F**king brilliant.

Need A Reason To Upgrade To Linux? How About This: Double Your Money Back Lifetime Guarantee!

Your eyes did not deceive you! Install Linux today and you’ll receive these great features:

  • Free Upgrades For Life!
  • Exclusive, Free Source Code Subscription!
  • Secure, Standards-Compliant, Wicked Fast Browsing with Firefox!
  • Free Support As Long As You Live!
  • No Extra Software Needed – Antivirus not needed, and Firewall Included!
  • Free, Easy, Background Updates!
  • Fast & Stable Computing Enviroment!
  • Over 20,000 Software Packages FREE OF CHARGE!

You’d probably expect to pay over $199 for a single upgrade from Microsoft, but we wont nickel and dime you to death – pay nothing – EVER!

But wait! Try out Linux today, and we’ll cut 100% off the asking price, and give away free installation CDs of the most user-friendly distribution of Linux around – Ubuntu – sent right to your home!

And if that weren’t enough, there are over 100 other distributions of Linux you can also use, 100% free to you, guaranteed! All you need is an internet connection!

And if you aren’t satisfied, you can try Linux risk-free for an average of 24,464 days – THAT’S 67 YEARS, INCLUDING 16 LEAP YEAR DAYS – our gift to you.

And there’s more: We’re so confident you’ll enjoy Linux, I will personally write you a check for double your money back if you aren’t satisfied!

For one easy payment of zero dollars and zero cents, Linux can be yours today! Don’t wait, download it now!

Sun: Install Solaris 10 and We’ll Serve You. … Dinner?

In one of the most bizarre promotions I’ve ever run into, Sun Microsystems is offering $50 in dinner gift certificates for installing and registering Solaris 10. I know this isn’t a joke, but I really want it to be.

Sun Solaris 10 Promotion

The picture of the woman giving food to the boy is pretty hilarious stock photography by itself… it’s definitely good for a “write a caption for this picture” contest.

Boy: An entire leg of lamb! *Supastar*

Canonical (Ubuntu) Has An Excellent Sense Of Humour

I’ve been surfing around the Ubuntu website and found a few funny exerpts…

If you’d like to see for yourself, just click through the image which is linked to the webpage I found it on.

  1. Ubuntu is hiring someone who doesn’t speak Klingon. I guess they already have enough employees who are fluent in the language.

    ubuntu-klingon.png

  2. Shuttleworth filed a bug about some problem with market share for Ubuntu verses other competetors.ubuntu-microsoft.png
  3. Microsoft is such a pane in the glass!
    ubuntu3.png
  4. Catch Spelling Mistakes on the Fli… erro
    ubuntu-autoformt.png

Got any more? Feel free to share. :)

How To Install Gutsy Gibbon – A 21 Step Guide For Technical Support

Ok, this is completely satirical, cynical and NOT serious at all. It’s meant to make you laugh. If you don’t laugh, you may have DVHAD (Digg Visitor Humor Absence Disorder). You may need to seek professional therapy. I can recommend a good psychiatrist if you’d like.

This article is 99.7% joke. (0.3% standard deviation)

1. “First, insert the Ubuntu Gutsy Gibbon 7.10 CD into your cup holder.” Continue reading