Ok, this is completely satirical, cynical and NOT serious at all. It’s meant to make you laugh. If you don’t laugh, you may have DVHAD (Digg Visitor Humor Absence Disorder). You may need to seek professional therapy. I can recommend a good psychiatrist if you’d like.
This article is 99.7% joke. (0.3% standard deviation)
1. “First, insert the Ubuntu Gutsy Gibbon 7.10 CD into your cup holder.”
2. “Press the power button on your computer, and hold it until it shuts off.”
3. “Good. Now press the power button again.”
4. “We’re going to see some white on black text fly by, please don’t read it to me.”
5. “Let me know when you’ve got a screen that says Ubuntu in brown and orange.”
6. “Ok, press the ‘Enter’ key.”
7. “Ok, double click on the Install icon on the desktop. It’s on the left part of the screen. Near the top. Other left.”
8. “You’ll see a screen with some information on it. Please don’t read it to me. Ok, I needed to hear it again.”
9. “Thanks for reading that screen of information you will never retain, and proceed to press the Forward button.”
10. “Ok I don’t want to confuse you with different options, so just click the picture until it says your city or state capital. If you can’t get it, just get close enough that if a nuclear explosion went off in the city you have selected, you would likely die from the fallout.”
11. “Press Forward.”
12. “Behind option number 2 is hope that I don’t have to explain this page to you. Select ‘Guided – use entire disk,’ and press Forward.”
13. “Ok, here’s the fun part. Type in your first name into both of the first two boxes. No, not last name.”
14. “Whew, ok now just type in your password into next two boxes, where it says “Choose a password to keep your account safe.”
15. “What does your computer say on the front of it? Viewsonic, eh? Type that into the box where is says ‘What is the name of this computer?'”
16. Do NOT read this screen to me. I already know what it says. Instead, press Install.
17. “You’ll see a bar slowly crawling across the screen, like a caterpillar or crawdad.”
18. “Let me know when the bar is filled up.”
19. Waiting….. …… ……
20. “OK, now press ‘Restart Now’ ”
21. Congratulations Grandpa, you can use this new fangled Linux thing the 5 and 6 year old grandkids were talking about.